I had always seen myself as a homeschooling mom.
Where all my kids would sit in silent wonder mesmerized as I stood at the head of our long dining room table teaching various interesting topics.
All the kids would be eagerly involved and helpful.
When the school days came for K she was not into my idea and scoffed whole hearted at my suggestion of homeschooling.
She loved preschool and kindergarten so much I never took to thinking about homeschooling again.
Then the first week of grade one and all changed.
Something set K off and she wouldn't leave my side for almost 8 months.
I still have to sleep with her and take precautions with certain situations.
I have pushed when I can to let her comfort level expand and it is baby steps for sure.
This year she thought she may like to go back to public school, and we even ventured there and chatted with her teacher and such.
It was a very positive experience for her but ultimately she decided to
do homeschooling again.
This is her choice and one I obviously support.
It all falls on me though and this is where I am feeling the pressure today.
I envy the free/no schooling homeschooling approach but J is not keen on that.
As this is a family thing it has to work for us all.
I am keen on structure and routine.
We all thrive on it actually and it makes things run smoothly.
My biggest fear is that all this focus on getting the curriculum done for K that I might not be giving E all that she needs.
I try to even it out but their is no breaks and I always have to justify or quantify everything to those who are sceptical and those who need to evaluate her.
This is a full time job in itself.
I sure hope that over the years I do not become some jaded, overbearing, ogre of a teacher that doesn't separate the mommy/teacher hat and cause my children to resent homeschooling or worse, me.
I am feeling the beginning of the year pressure.
Sure it has it's perks..big time.
No clocks, pools and recreational arenas and libraries are all empty.
We can pick up and go whenever and wherever we want taking school with us.
I can teach what I want and how I want and sit on the couch or in the garden to do it.
This time of year we can buy cheap art supplies and go shopping for all the stuff we need in the quiet of the day.
I love to teach the girls about life and it's marvels and am pleased that they allow me to.
I just hope I do it good enough so that they can venture into this crazy world, with a wealth of knowledge, love and confidence that allows them to prosper and become all that they want to be.