A Treasured Day

I am all full of love and my eyes are misty.
I have had one of those amazing days that has rejuvenated my soul.
I took a step back and instead of having a regular kind of day I allowed myself to enjoy and immerse myself in the wonder and joy that is my family.
I realized years ago that it is necessary to really see my children as little autonomous people and that I have to step out of my mothering role in order to do that properly.
Today was a perfect day to take time to check in with my kids and their amazingness.
I am so lucky and proud.

This sign made me giggle, and it will be kept and pulled out in about 6 years when she thinks of me in a different light.

K embroidered this so me and cut it out and put it into a mini album filled with photo of her and E.
I know that piece of cloth will be with me forever.

A raw breakfast in bed, which is a really feat for the simple fact that nobody Elsa really uncooks raw around here.

A day filled with a long exploring walk, lunch at the beach with a friend, laughing, visiting, and dinner with papa and the hockey game.
Yup a really perfect Mothers Day.

To all the mothers I know, may you have and cherish this day that is all about you and all that you are.

But on this day I also have the feeling that I must pause for those in my life who are supposed to be my mothers.
My birth mother who failed miserably in so many ways.
I no longer have any anger, blame, or regret.
I simply tell myself that she was the best parent she could be....but then whisper lowly how
despicable of an attempt it was.
And because I am a mother I couldn't ever imagine doing what she did and still be able to look at myself in the mirror.

Then I have to think about my step mother who tried to be a mother but with all her short comings ended up being a tyrant who was horrible on so many levels I don't feel like dwelling on them all, because really it is no use.,
I take pause that I am happy healthy and content with my life and knowing she lives a miserable life is my revenge and her karma.

These two people had left me with many deficit in the mothering department. I have spent year dealing with this very subject. I have many great tools and great supports in place but they are the soul purpose as to why I try to over achieve as a parent.
I the feel the need to compensate for my "inner child" and because I will never allow my children to ever feel on ounce of the pain that I had felt growing up.
These are my short comings and my obstacles but after a day like today, all the emotions that motherhood evokes, all the pride and sheer love the magnitude of which is immeasurable, I can say with confidence that my kids are fine, as happy and perfect as two kids can be with a mother like me!!

I find it hard to convey all my thoughts about mothering.
Hard to tell how my heart lives on my sleeves and my love is so powerful that it can move mountains.
I can be assured that any body who is a mother would understand because there is nothing better in the world then this.