No School

Just when you think things are going smoothly in life, something happens that throws you for a loop.
My precious little lady K has declared, amongst screams and furry, that she is never going to school again.
She has has horrendous tantrums and fits getting ready and in the van for school.

It has been such a challenge.
This started on Monday and it has been a roller coaster of emotions for us all since.

I ended it yesterday when I saw her in her class room.

I had to leave for a moment to make a call to J to let him know I was going to stay for a bit longer.
I had agreed to stay and get her comfortable so she would try to stay for the day.

She clung to me like glue and I could feel the tenseness as she cuddled with me at circle time so I knew that staying by herself wasn't going to happen but I still wanted her to be there.

I had left through one door and by the time I had got to the other door, I peeked in and saw her curled up in a fetal position banging her head and stomping her feet in sheer hysterics.
She didn't know I could see her.
The teacher let her be and the kids shocked at first just turned their heads as she went on.

My heart sank and I decided that this is serious.
Not just a little case of anxiety about school.

I opened the door and told her gently to grab her stuff.
She calmed down after I held her for a while and hand in hand we went to the car for the ride home.

Upon arriving home I put her to bed to rest and regroup and I went to the bathroom to close the door and cried.
It was horrible to see the terror in her eyes.
To hear that primal scream.
A decision had to be made.

We have talked to the teachers and the principle decided to go do counselling through the school next week, to see if we can make it a safe and comfortable place for her to want to go to.
I hope this will work to ease her stress.

J and I have had many discussions in the past few days and many more with her, trying to figure out the reason for this 180 about school.
Is it the teacher?
The new split classroom with many new students?
The longer days?
Did someone say or do something to her?
What????

She says she hates the long days and is bored.
But I sense something more.
I know she feels left out, that she may be missing out on things as J, E and I are doing the daily things without her.
And I get that, and we have saved the fun stuff to do with her after school but that hasn't worked.

We have tried a half day but after one we realize that won't be working any time soon either.
I simply cannot stay in the class all day and with E that throws a big cramp in that plan.
We/she are all fortunate that I am an at home mom, otherwise this would be more of a challenge to say the least.

Her teacher called home and we had a lengthy discussion and at one point she recommended that maybe I should just drop her off and there would be support from the councilor and principle.
They would "just hold her and keep her safe until she calmed down and joined the class. In My experience it usually takes 45 minutes or so".
Are you kidding me?
Okay what kind of parent would that make me?
Do you really think she would have a productive day after that.?
What would that make her feel about school and worse me?
She wouldn't trust any of us and rightfully so.
I do not believe in this sort of tough love.
To just leave her is not something I could ever do.
There is no need.
Could you imagine the humiliation and exhaustion that she would endure.
There would be no coming back from that.


So do I have a candidate for home schooling?
We have decided to take this approach for the time being with the understanding it is only on a trail basis.
We will still be part of the school daily to get her homework and do some library time.
All this to keep her up to date, in the loop and around her friends as well as getting her comfortable again with the environment and her teacher.

I must have missed some cues and I admit looking back I should have know something was up.
I know it is not my fault and that she has all my numbers to know what triggers will make me blow but she hasn't hit any of them ...yet .
She has been quite cuddly and kissy as of late but we were secretly enjoying it and thought nothing of it.
I have been soaking up the cuddles and her letting me hold her and carry(all 49lbs) of her.
There has been no other emotional, sleep or dietary changes to have triggered any concerns on our end.

Although the request for a cell phone was an odd one.
Maybe I should have questioned that more, but explained that it wasn't really something we were willing to do quite yet.

So after a week of chaos here I am in Chilliwack on the lobby computer spilling my guts.
I can hear the others in the pool and having fun.'
That sound is all i need to hear for now and the rest will make its way the way it needs to.
I will not push for the time being because in the scope of life a month in grade one is nothing more than a hiccup.